I'm not a writer. Well maybe literally, but I don't get paid for it, and I'm not good at it. It's been nearly two years since I've typed up anything that wasn't either a stunningly boring scientific report or an astoundingly boring accounting report, but I'm going to give it another try. And basically no one reads this anyway, so instead of something exciting or witty, what follows are some of the mundane things that have been taking up my time recently.
Following the announcement of the Steam Big Picture Mode beta and the weeks of discussions on the Giant Bombcast I finally decided to hook my computer up to my TV. It's a pretty sweet idea if you like crossing the Venn Diagrams of video games and sitting on couches. You probably also like Venn Diagrams. The catch is that my computer is up a ladder in a loft and my TV is literally in the middle of the main room with no walls nearby. In the end all it took was this, these, and two of these. But now we can all FINALLY play FTL without hunching over a sweaty keyboard. Royal We. And yes we have sweaty keyboards.
FTL: Faster Than Light though. Hooooey that's a tall drink of water. They're calling it a "Roguelike", which is to say it's like the old game Rogue, which is to say it's hard as balls, among other Rouge-y things I guess. I've never played a Roguelike before but I have pretended my way through minimalist designs, and this lets me do that in spades. Every play through leads off to a crazy new adventure and every one is totally unique. People will tell you that sometimes the failures are the best parts. That every crazy death makes for a new great story. They're lying of course. Winning is obviously the best part, but it's impossible. I have a spreadsheet that proves it.
Speaking of spreadsheets it's back to work tomorrow and that will be it. At least until Pokemon gets here. Gasp!
Monday, October 8, 2012
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The ApocalyPS3 And Ubisoft's New DRM
If you own one of the old fatPS3's, or just like poking fun at them, then chances are good that you are familiar with the ApocalyPS3. That's the catchy phrase that the internets have given to the worldwide PSN foiling bug formally known as Error Code 8001050F. In short it was an internal time clock error having to do with leap years and some other stuff that doesn't really matter. What does matter is that a lot of people lost save data, trophies (it just makes me queasy), and because there was no PSN connection, some games were unplayable. Then in a little over a day everything just worked itself out (well the slim models had no problem: stupid athletic cool kids) and people went back to playing games and ignoring giant earthquakes in foreign countries.
But the whole debacle brings up a good point regarding Ubisoft's recently announced DRM that will be in effect with the PC version of Assassin's Creed II. In another vane attempt to stop software pirating you must at all times be connected to the Ubisoft servers. Any disconnect either on your end or on the servers' end will immediately stop your game. The idea of such a precaution against piracy is insane, especially considering the adolescent state of the country's broadband infrastructure. When players were unable to connect to PSN games like Heavy Rain were completely inaccessible, which was kind of a timely reminder why such a DRM cannot work. When there are a lot of people playing at once the servers will experience hiccups and people will get disconnected, effectively stopping you from playing a game that you purchased.
Now a strong counter argument is that most PC gamers already live with a similar type of DRM in the form of Valve's Steam service, which requires roughly half of the bigger name games to be signed in to their servers to play. To which I reply: Steam has been perfecting this for a long time and in the beginning it sucked eggs. Valve has greatly improved the service over the years by making Steam a gaming platform and blunting the feeling of intrusion, but it still irks me that I have to be connected to the internet to play a single player game. The ApocalyPS3 was a large scale lesson about overestimating conectivity. Ubisoft's new DRM will fail, and it's going to be spectacular.
But the whole debacle brings up a good point regarding Ubisoft's recently announced DRM that will be in effect with the PC version of Assassin's Creed II. In another vane attempt to stop software pirating you must at all times be connected to the Ubisoft servers. Any disconnect either on your end or on the servers' end will immediately stop your game. The idea of such a precaution against piracy is insane, especially considering the adolescent state of the country's broadband infrastructure. When players were unable to connect to PSN games like Heavy Rain were completely inaccessible, which was kind of a timely reminder why such a DRM cannot work. When there are a lot of people playing at once the servers will experience hiccups and people will get disconnected, effectively stopping you from playing a game that you purchased.
Now a strong counter argument is that most PC gamers already live with a similar type of DRM in the form of Valve's Steam service, which requires roughly half of the bigger name games to be signed in to their servers to play. To which I reply: Steam has been perfecting this for a long time and in the beginning it sucked eggs. Valve has greatly improved the service over the years by making Steam a gaming platform and blunting the feeling of intrusion, but it still irks me that I have to be connected to the internet to play a single player game. The ApocalyPS3 was a large scale lesson about overestimating conectivity. Ubisoft's new DRM will fail, and it's going to be spectacular.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Dragon Age Is Just Awesome
This isn't going to be a review or anything resembling a critique of Dragon Age: Origins. There are lots of weird little flaws and aspects that might have been better implemented better. But for me those things are easily overlooked because of how the game works as a whole. I purposefully waited weeks after finishing the DA:O before writing this to make sure I still felt the same way, and hey, I do.
So here goes. Playing through this game is a lot like watching Lord of the Rings for the first time. Except it's all rad Orc fighting and no lame introspective talks while strolling through forests. Oh whats that Sam? You made a promise? No one gives a shit. No! This is Aragorn chopping off Uruk Hai heads and Boromir getting all arrowed up. Except that this is even better then LoTR because you have a war hound that loves you and eats everyone you hate. And if you play the game like me there are a lot of things to hate.
The character I created looked like a grizzled old man, but fought like a roided out viking. This was great in the first scene where the character's brown haired father was lecturing his white haired scowling "youngest" son about something soon to be overshadowed by his eminent murder . If it was a possible option to hit the father and mutter "I'm too old for this shit" you can rest assured it would have happened. Throughout the rest of the game I treated every dialog tree as if I was the Murtagh of Middle Earth. Even if there were decisions with good outcomes (there are no good outcomes in DA:O) everyone still would have hated him. It was utterly sublime.
And the ending. OH EM GEE the ending! You have to hack your way through more than 500 (this is an actual figure: I tallied it up) darkspawn in order make your final stand on an ancient god in the body of a dragon. Yeah that was the sound of your heart exploding from too much adrenaline. You're welcome by the way.
So here goes. Playing through this game is a lot like watching Lord of the Rings for the first time. Except it's all rad Orc fighting and no lame introspective talks while strolling through forests. Oh whats that Sam? You made a promise? No one gives a shit. No! This is Aragorn chopping off Uruk Hai heads and Boromir getting all arrowed up. Except that this is even better then LoTR because you have a war hound that loves you and eats everyone you hate. And if you play the game like me there are a lot of things to hate.
The character I created looked like a grizzled old man, but fought like a roided out viking. This was great in the first scene where the character's brown haired father was lecturing his white haired scowling "youngest" son about something soon to be overshadowed by his eminent murder . If it was a possible option to hit the father and mutter "I'm too old for this shit" you can rest assured it would have happened. Throughout the rest of the game I treated every dialog tree as if I was the Murtagh of Middle Earth. Even if there were decisions with good outcomes (there are no good outcomes in DA:O) everyone still would have hated him. It was utterly sublime.
And the ending. OH EM GEE the ending! You have to hack your way through more than 500 (this is an actual figure: I tallied it up) darkspawn in order make your final stand on an ancient god in the body of a dragon. Yeah that was the sound of your heart exploding from too much adrenaline. You're welcome by the way.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Inside is the New Outside
That is one shockingly misleading title I just spontaneously typed. This post has literally nothing to do with the new age adventurers the Indoorsmen. Except, of course, for that last sentence which, now that I think about it, is entirely self defeating. BUT NO. This post is about a fantastic little game called Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story for the Nintendo DS. It is the sequel to the Mario and Luigi series of Game Boy Advance titles which loosely followed up the revered Mario RPG. The difference between the main console Mario RPG type and the Mario and Luigi games is that the latter contains unique dual timing and button press conditions to elevate standard RPG controls. Having never actually played the two GBA games it's hard to judge their worth, but if they're anything like Bowser's Inside Story I can pretty safely say that they are bitch crackers crazy.
You may ask why I would make such an assertion. As an answer let me say that the first cutscene features a giant bloated talking mushroom crashing through a wall of his house, and that he got that way by eating mushrooms. Not crazy enough? Well then, within 10 minutes of having assumed control of Mario and Luigi you are sucked inside Bowser's body (after he ate a different mushroom given to him by a foreigner), where more talking mushrooms have set up a mini mall. If that's still not enough I'm starting to doubt your grasp on reality, but let me just add that Bowser then befriends a Frenchman made of blocks, and the Mario brother's are led throughout Bowser's body by a sentient star. Still not insane enough? Oh my God what do I have to say that will convince you? That there are pipes inside Bowser's body that lead to other preexisting pipes scattered around the Mushroom Kingdom, suggesting some sort of bizarre conspiracy? Nah, that all sounds completely rational huh?. But doesn't it also sound totally rad?
All that aside I have to say that I was struck at just how good the game looks. It's super crisp with tons of frames of animation, and a clear, colorful, 2D art direction. If I could go back in a time machine and jump out of a bush at my 10 year old Sega Genesis playing self to ask him what the future of games looked like he would probably describe something visually simlar to this. Well, he would probably scream and try to run, but several sedatives later I'm sure I could get a coherent answer out of him. Or me. You know this hypothetical is starting to bring up a lot of unsettling issues. The point is that the damn game looks great.
But that is not the only amazing thing about the game. The writing is equally superb as the graphics. Each character has a distinct way of talking, usually complete with a linguistic idiosyncrasy, or a strange grammatical structure. And the jokes throughout the journey are always fresh and above all weird. The first time I ran into a moody cellular character called an Emoglobin I couldn't believe it was game humor. Every time I got into an in-game conversation it felt like a treat because it was all so well written. Except for the plethora (yeah I wrote that) of tutorials the dialog was pert near perfect. That seems a little odd coming from a game about plumbers that can jump. Ha! Fiction.
All in all I spent about 30 hours playing a game I thought would take ten at max. And It's important to note that I was playing Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story while I was too sick to stand, eat, or keep fluids contained in my body. It was seriously that good.
You may ask why I would make such an assertion. As an answer let me say that the first cutscene features a giant bloated talking mushroom crashing through a wall of his house, and that he got that way by eating mushrooms. Not crazy enough? Well then, within 10 minutes of having assumed control of Mario and Luigi you are sucked inside Bowser's body (after he ate a different mushroom given to him by a foreigner), where more talking mushrooms have set up a mini mall. If that's still not enough I'm starting to doubt your grasp on reality, but let me just add that Bowser then befriends a Frenchman made of blocks, and the Mario brother's are led throughout Bowser's body by a sentient star. Still not insane enough? Oh my God what do I have to say that will convince you? That there are pipes inside Bowser's body that lead to other preexisting pipes scattered around the Mushroom Kingdom, suggesting some sort of bizarre conspiracy? Nah, that all sounds completely rational huh?. But doesn't it also sound totally rad?
All that aside I have to say that I was struck at just how good the game looks. It's super crisp with tons of frames of animation, and a clear, colorful, 2D art direction. If I could go back in a time machine and jump out of a bush at my 10 year old Sega Genesis playing self to ask him what the future of games looked like he would probably describe something visually simlar to this. Well, he would probably scream and try to run, but several sedatives later I'm sure I could get a coherent answer out of him. Or me. You know this hypothetical is starting to bring up a lot of unsettling issues. The point is that the damn game looks great.
But that is not the only amazing thing about the game. The writing is equally superb as the graphics. Each character has a distinct way of talking, usually complete with a linguistic idiosyncrasy, or a strange grammatical structure. And the jokes throughout the journey are always fresh and above all weird. The first time I ran into a moody cellular character called an Emoglobin I couldn't believe it was game humor. Every time I got into an in-game conversation it felt like a treat because it was all so well written. Except for the plethora (yeah I wrote that) of tutorials the dialog was pert near perfect. That seems a little odd coming from a game about plumbers that can jump. Ha! Fiction.
All in all I spent about 30 hours playing a game I thought would take ten at max. And It's important to note that I was playing Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story while I was too sick to stand, eat, or keep fluids contained in my body. It was seriously that good.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Avatar Schmavatar
This Christmas I got the gift of free movies from a friend. I was unaware that movie theaters still gave out prepaid movie cards, but boy am I happy that they do! That's because on Christmas Day we had the totally rad plan of going and watching Avatar in 3D. That was the idea anyway. The actuality is that where I live this is only one theater in four (total) that shows the movie in 3D and it is (of course) in the smallest projector room. So when we got there more than an hour early the ticket seller laughed. He didn't actually laugh because all humor had long since evaporated from him. He merely changed the angle of his cold dead eyes and monotonically wished us a happy holiday.
OK. The next plan was to buy tickets a day early and get to the theater way before the movie started. Which seemed like a solid tactic, but have you ever tried to motivate people to drive to a dark room and sit in it for an hour? Strangely enough I have, and for a completely unrelated reason. Regardless it did not work out as we had planned, and instead we got to the theater 15 minutes early, which was just enough time to claim some polarized glasses that smelled powerfully of gasoline, and the only open seats in the front row. I wanted popcorn too but I decided against it after waiting in line for 10 minutes and literally not moving an inch. Turns out gasoline fumes and incompetence are not a recipe for workplace success. It also turns out that those 3D glasses surgically remove your peripheral vision, and I unwittingly, savagely, slapped my friend's bag of popcorn out of his hands as he was passing it to me.
As a side note have you ever noticed that when you need to pee during an blockbuster movie there's always a gauntlet of obstacles that keep you away from that amazing action scene? There was actually a guard stationed at the exit making sure I didn't steal the theater's magical glasses. He eyed me suspiciously as I assured him that the glasses on my face, which looked nothing like the 3D kind, were in fact prescription eyeglasses. As I hurried on from a rough pat down (that's not a weird thing for a movie guard to do right?) I saw a bunch of people I know standing in line for the next showing. Panicking I put my head down and tried to run past. Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled to see them, but this was not the time. If I had come out of a movie titled "Les Shoot Yourself" with tears streaming down my face and t-shirt that said "I shouldn't be alone right now" you can bet there would be nary a familiar face. That's just how life works. And as such at this moment they saw me and drew me into a warm hugging (oh God not so tight!) welcome. I managed to slip away with seconds to spare, sweat pouring from my forehead, and there in my path was another friend! He started to tell me how amazing the movie was before I cut him off shrilly, shrieking "NO! GOTTA PEE!", and vaulted over the hand rail, which was very nearly a terrible mistake. Somehow, by magic I submit, I made it to the stall just in time.
The movie, by the way, was awesome. I won't go into details, but I will hint that it takes place on an alien planet. WINK. But seriously the aliens were Native American cats.
OK. The next plan was to buy tickets a day early and get to the theater way before the movie started. Which seemed like a solid tactic, but have you ever tried to motivate people to drive to a dark room and sit in it for an hour? Strangely enough I have, and for a completely unrelated reason. Regardless it did not work out as we had planned, and instead we got to the theater 15 minutes early, which was just enough time to claim some polarized glasses that smelled powerfully of gasoline, and the only open seats in the front row. I wanted popcorn too but I decided against it after waiting in line for 10 minutes and literally not moving an inch. Turns out gasoline fumes and incompetence are not a recipe for workplace success. It also turns out that those 3D glasses surgically remove your peripheral vision, and I unwittingly, savagely, slapped my friend's bag of popcorn out of his hands as he was passing it to me.
As a side note have you ever noticed that when you need to pee during an blockbuster movie there's always a gauntlet of obstacles that keep you away from that amazing action scene? There was actually a guard stationed at the exit making sure I didn't steal the theater's magical glasses. He eyed me suspiciously as I assured him that the glasses on my face, which looked nothing like the 3D kind, were in fact prescription eyeglasses. As I hurried on from a rough pat down (that's not a weird thing for a movie guard to do right?) I saw a bunch of people I know standing in line for the next showing. Panicking I put my head down and tried to run past. Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled to see them, but this was not the time. If I had come out of a movie titled "Les Shoot Yourself" with tears streaming down my face and t-shirt that said "I shouldn't be alone right now" you can bet there would be nary a familiar face. That's just how life works. And as such at this moment they saw me and drew me into a warm hugging (oh God not so tight!) welcome. I managed to slip away with seconds to spare, sweat pouring from my forehead, and there in my path was another friend! He started to tell me how amazing the movie was before I cut him off shrilly, shrieking "NO! GOTTA PEE!", and vaulted over the hand rail, which was very nearly a terrible mistake. Somehow, by magic I submit, I made it to the stall just in time.
The movie, by the way, was awesome. I won't go into details, but I will hint that it takes place on an alien planet. WINK. But seriously the aliens were Native American cats.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Assassin's Creed.....No The First One
I have been noticing the previews of Assassin's Creed II for a long, long time, always thinking, "yeah that looks pretty cool" but never really committing myself to get excited. Then reviews started trickling in from the various sites and it became obvious that the game was not only pretty cool, but possibly amazing. Still, new games are $60 and, I have a fear of commitment. That's why I'm not even married to my job. We have an on again off again relationship with my job always complaining I need to spend more time at work. Don't you hate clingy jobs? The point is I could buy ACII for MSRP or buy the original at Walmart for $20. So I did that.
There have always been a lot of complaints about Assassin's Creed since it released, most of which hinge on the fact that the game got incredibly repetitive. This is grounded in rock solid truth. You will travel to a new location, climb on things, investigate targets, climb on more things, and then assassinate. And then you will do it all over again. But when you have to slaughter city guards in bloody cinematic encounters that only result in making you feel like a murder machine I can't really see the down side.
I played the game start to finish in about a week, and I was having a blast right up to the end. When, you may be asking yourself, did my fun stop? Well that was when all of a sudden the opponents started using seemingly unblockable combos that took off a quarter of my life. And here's the kicker: there were about 30 of them. You know what mister game? When I fight 30 people at once it's pretty much guaranteed that I'm going to take damage and it's going to be difficult. I don't need master swordsman surrounding me and, I swear this is the truth, chest bumping me to death. Fuck you. Also any water in the game deeper than Altair's head will kill you instantly. That's especially tricky when drunks on the docks will push you, and only you, into the water for literally no reason.
After everything I still love this game. It was an awesome trip through Crusade era Jerusalem as a psychopath with a hidden blade. I dare you to tell me how that could not be amazing. It's all about an alien artifact and a nancy boy from the future you say? Touché Internet, touché.
There have always been a lot of complaints about Assassin's Creed since it released, most of which hinge on the fact that the game got incredibly repetitive. This is grounded in rock solid truth. You will travel to a new location, climb on things, investigate targets, climb on more things, and then assassinate. And then you will do it all over again. But when you have to slaughter city guards in bloody cinematic encounters that only result in making you feel like a murder machine I can't really see the down side.
I played the game start to finish in about a week, and I was having a blast right up to the end. When, you may be asking yourself, did my fun stop? Well that was when all of a sudden the opponents started using seemingly unblockable combos that took off a quarter of my life. And here's the kicker: there were about 30 of them. You know what mister game? When I fight 30 people at once it's pretty much guaranteed that I'm going to take damage and it's going to be difficult. I don't need master swordsman surrounding me and, I swear this is the truth, chest bumping me to death. Fuck you. Also any water in the game deeper than Altair's head will kill you instantly. That's especially tricky when drunks on the docks will push you, and only you, into the water for literally no reason.
After everything I still love this game. It was an awesome trip through Crusade era Jerusalem as a psychopath with a hidden blade. I dare you to tell me how that could not be amazing. It's all about an alien artifact and a nancy boy from the future you say? Touché Internet, touché.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Black Friday
If you've never braved the early morning rush of assholes that is Black Friday please ignore this post. You will be bored. I'm a little bored by it. In fact how fucking ridiculous is it to call a shopping day Black Friday? "Oh my stars! It's all over because people are going to show up early and look for deals! What a terrible calamity this day is!" So to whoever named it Black Friday to elicit some kind of sense of disaster: Get over yourself, you've led a mediocre life in sales. That being said, here are a list of the video game deals that I found especially intriguing this year.
DB = Door Buster
F = Friday
S = Saturday
DB = Door Buster
F = Friday
S = Saturday
Black Friday Deals
Sears
F&S Dragon Age $39.99
F&S Brutal Legend $39.99
Kmart
DB? Batman: Arkham Asylum $39.99
DB? Dragon Age $39.99
DB? Brutal Legend $39.99
Target
F&S Batman: Arkham Asylum $37.99
F&S Assassin's Creed II $59.99 w/ $10 GC
F&S Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 $59.99 w/ $10 GC
Best Buy
DB Dragon Age $34.99
DB Brutal Legend $34.99
F&S Resident Evil 5 $19.99
Walmart
F Lock's Quest $7
F Call of Duty 4 GOTY Edition $25
Others at reduced price?
Sears
F&S Dragon Age $39.99
F&S Brutal Legend $39.99
Kmart
DB? Batman: Arkham Asylum $39.99
DB? Dragon Age $39.99
DB? Brutal Legend $39.99
Target
F&S Batman: Arkham Asylum $37.99
F&S Assassin's Creed II $59.99 w/ $10 GC
F&S Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 $59.99 w/ $10 GC
Best Buy
DB Dragon Age $34.99
DB Brutal Legend $34.99
F&S Resident Evil 5 $19.99
Walmart
F Lock's Quest $7
F Call of Duty 4 GOTY Edition $25
Others at reduced price?
Radio Shack
DB Dual Shock 3 $29.99
Gamestop
F Prototype $29.99
Gamestop
F Prototype $29.99
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