The Other Fives

Everyone is familiar with the traditional high fives dished out as a congratulatory measure. But there are other variations of which the greater world may remain wholly unaware. Here then, are a few of those other, sometimes highly experimental, "fives".

The Pry Five
The inspiration for this blog, the Pry Five is a regular high five with the exception that a pry bar is substituted in place of an open hand. Any prying tool can be used within reason, such as a crow bar or cat's claw. But please for God's sake never use a peeler bar. A 50 pound swinging steel bar is too much for all but the most experienced fivers. I have personally practiced the pry five.

The Fry Five
Another five I have experienced first hand. The Fry Five uses frying pans at the contact point. The impact is much the same as a Pry Five, only many many times louder, especially in an enclosed space.

The Sky Five
A high five given to another person while sky diving. In theory this is likely the most awesome variation of a five in existence. In reality, however, the problem arises that Sky Fives are done exclusively by some douchey ad exec or other and his "totally not gay friend friend" Brent in an attempt to get both of their pictures into that new extreme deodorant ad campaign. Afterward he goes back home and says: "Hey honey! Yeah we can totally sleep in the same bed tonight!" Then in a hushed voice: "God I wish I was sky diving with Brent."

The Cry Five
A high five that is so hard that one or both of the participants cry. Tearing up is not enough. Actual sobbing must take place. I have witnessed such an event where both parties held their hands out of a car window on a cold day while on the way to a movie in order to achieve maximum pain. The movie, by the by, was Doom.

The Pie Five
An ultra secret form of the high five that is guaranteed to cause uproarious laughter in all who witness. A certain someone, whom I will call Dan, has assured me this particular five is only performed in the underground clown societies. Understandably, pies are involved.

The Tri-Five
A high five with three participants. Never attempt a Tri-Pry-Five. I've done the math and I can assure you that the angles involved can lead only to misfortune.

The Two-by-Five
Please note that this is in actuality a high five where each party wields a two-by-four, but for the sake of naming the board width has been exaggerated. The reverberation of such an event is terrible and the danger of EXTREME splinters should never be ignored.

The Squid
The ultimate in high five "griefing". The squid is performed by recoiling one's hand last minute from a high five, where said hand moves backwards in a squid-like motion. Always hilarious, the Squid is prone to retributive ball kicks. Use with extreme caution.