*Editor's Note: Although insane, hateful, and possibly parasite infected this post has been left completely intact and original because it is hilarious. It's author is likely a member of some mummy fraternity or other. --thepeopleshooker*
ok, so mr. big shot tyler hooker over here decided to spread his tom foolery with the internet. at first i was all "whoa tubular! tyler is gonna talk on the internet! i genuinely want to read what he has to say!" then he fucking blew it by throwing mummies COMPLETELY under the bus. In case you didn't read his post "Ghosts are scarier than vampires" or whatever...i'll give you a synopsis "OH HAI! I'M TYLER AND I'M A BIG DUMB IDIOT WHO KNOWS MOM KEEPS ALLL THE GOOD DRINX UNDER THE KICHEN SINQ. (ONLY IF YOU CHASE IT WITH YOUR URINE!!!) LOLOLOLMAO anyway, ghosts r why i pee my bad at night, not poor bladder control. did i do good? Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrr me no like computar! i eat keyboard?"
i think thats what his post said...i dunno, honestly, i skimmed it.
now he DOES bring up one good point, and that is vampires are the worst. there are 2 exceptions. 1st obviously, is count chocula, and 2nd is cheech from dusk til dawn. was he actually a vampire? i dunno, but didn't he have a gun in his belt buckle? maybe that was another character. so count chocula gets a pass and cheech gets one too IF he is indeed a vampire and also has a gun belt buckle. (all i remember is his rant on pussy)
anyway vampires suck. yes, 1 point retardyler.
but c'mon mummies are WAY cooler than ghosts and here's why. First off, any old loser can become a ghost. Remember GHOST DAD?!?!??! Was he scary to fucking ANYBODY?!??!! BILL COSBY IS AMERICA'S BLACK DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, but now he turns semi-transparent and goes thru a city bus and everyone's terrified? Get outta here.
Look, if anyone has ever ridden the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland, they know that ghosts just AREN'T scary. all they want to do is dance around, hitch hike, and stop the ride every 5 minutes to repeatedly remind you to not "step out of your DOOOOOOOMbuggy!!!!!!!!"
Mummies are the opposite. They must be SUPER important people back in ancient Egypt. They were all pharoahs (which I learned about in Scooby Doo) That's a very select group. Plus they're not just semi-transparent versions of themselves going "ooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooo" no, they're freaking in the midst of decomposing! that's fucking scary! Plus, what do mummies want? zombies want brains, vampires want blood, ghosts want someone who really "gets" their poetry, but mummies? who the fuck knows what they want. they just want to FUCK you up! plus there are fast zombies, there are slow zombies, they can use their fucking mummy wrap as a fucking lasso or whip or something! WHOA cool! i just thought of that right now!!!
Plus, mummies were buried in pyramids. That means after these nerds died, they STILL had enough control over these egyptians to make them build a pyramid just to store the body.
Egyptians were ready to kill themselves in some of the most difficult work of all time. People think ALIENS built the pyramids!!! ALIENS!!!! No, pharoahs were just THAT bad ass at controlling. Which means, once resurrected, you'd better believe they'd work an army up no problem. Either that, or the pyramids actually were built by aliens, which would leave me to believe that hey, that probably means mummies have ALIEN POWERS!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT that's scary!
so in conclusion, if you saw a ghost, in your head you'd think "oh man! i guess ghosts really DO exist! huh...weird. well time for bed."
but if you saw a mummy, you'd scream "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HOLY SHIT!!!! What is that? A fucking mummy? In Burbank? WHAT? THE? FUCK? Does that mean they've been on a killing conquest since they left their pyramid in Egypt? Let's get out of her.........................." *the mummy eats you.,..or whatever mummies do, but trust me, no matter what it is, it's scary*
also, thanks to tyler for editing this...i did a terrible job.
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